It’s as if my view of God’s abilities is proportionate to the
population of where I live. I suppose that’s a pathetic view.
In Lincoln, we went to a church with thousands of other people. I
felt I was growing spiritually, was excited about God and had people around me
to encourage me spiritually. I loved being a part of physical church body where
saw God was working, where I knew I was a part of making a difference in our
town and around the world, and where I could sing praise to God with over a
thousand other people. It was easy to get a small sense of the bigness of God and that He was up to something big.
Now lots of those things that helped me feel great about God are
gone. (Plus I’m still a little upset with Him for moving me.) I’m left with
trying to obey God and rejoice in Him even though I don’t feel super excited
about Him. I’m felt with wondering if He has any use for me out here, or if He
moved me just to make me know Him better. I’ve been wondering if God does big things (other than keeping my heart beating and the sun coming up everyday) in a very small town.
I’ve been hashing this out in my mind for a while and have found some resolution.
I realized life isn’t about me feeling like I’m making some big difference in the world. It’s about obeying God daily and letting Him work in whatever way He sees best. I’m trusting that by striving to follow God daily He will use me in some way, even if it is small.