I didn’t write a Christmas letter this year, but if I would have our year would best be summarized with the word ‘exhausting.’
The year started with Brad stating he thought he needed to move so he could farm. I disagreed. When a husband and wife are in such great agreement you can only imagine the tension. All sarcasm aside, it was stressful and obviously exhausting.
Then God helped me give in and the entire moving process started. The exhaustion of that process was not related to finding a place to live. Brad looked at our two options and we bought one before I stepped through the door. Unfortunately, I didn’t get out of actually packing and unpacking. If you’ve ever moved, I’m sure you completely understand how the physical process of moving is exhausting. It was so exhausting I still have boxes sitting in my room and still have no unpacking oomph left inside of me that wants to find places for the things inside them.
Moving to a new place is also exhausting just because of all the change involved. New routines, new people, new jobs, new stores, new church, etc. I’m sure it would be less exhausting if you didn’t like where you lived previously, but for me all the change has highlighted my extroverted nature and I’ve had to work at keeping my attitude right. Exhausting.
That’s a brief summary of what has been exhausting due to my circumstances, but we’ve had several friends and family having to deal with death, illness, disappointment, and uncertainty. I don’t remember a year before where I’ve prayed this much for other people and that’s not because I made a 2011 New Years resolution to pray more.
On top of it all I had a revelation this week that having a two year old and a four year old is mentally exhausting. I kept thinking they were easier now than when they were zero and one, but I’m not so sure anymore. I may get to sleep through the night, but I’m having to use my critical thinking skills all the time when they’re awake. Elliana should be on a debate team, Wyatt should join a “How to Bother Your Sister” group, and they both could win awards for the number of times they say “Mom” before they fall asleep.
As I was pondering my exhaustion, I was reminded, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Was that true for me this year?
I have no other way to explain us moving but to say it’s where God want us. Moving didn’t make a lot of time for physical rest; but when I gave it to where God wanted us, it brought new peace and unity to our marriage. Plus knowing God has a plan and is guiding you to follow it is somewhat comforting, even if you don’t like the plan.
I’ve had to come to God often with my frustration, fears and wants. I have found that trusting in Him to meet my needs and take care of things leads to less crying on my part and a happier home. I’ve found more rest in that than in stewing about what I think is unfair treatment and repeatedly complaining about what I don’t like. I’ve certainly tried both options.
Seeing others struggle and suffer has made me often wonder ‘why?’ I’ve concluded that trusting God to make beauty out of sadness and struggle is so much less of a burden than any other option. I can rest in that.
Sometimes this year I’ve had to just rest in knowing that because of Jesus one day I will have no more sorrow and no more pain. Nothing better than moving to remind you that my true “home” is not in this world. Having that hope is a much better burden to carry than thinking the toughness of this world is all there is.
I can honestly conclude when looking back at the exhausting year that coming to Jesus does bring rest for my soul. I may be tired and have so much to learn, but I have great Help. He is a Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, and the Prince of Peace.